Can't fall in love in hell
by Just an ordinary wallflower
Summary: "Why can't you realize you're in love? How hard is it to accept it?" i looked at my only friend "because you can't possibly fall in love when you're in hell, thats why." I dont own Naruto! and lemons later! I'm bad at descriptions sorry but please read! and give tips, i'm new at writing!
1. Chapter 1: Hell

A/N: OK I'm not good at beginnings bear with me please! And anyways I'll introduce you the _him_ later. You'll understand when you read the story, I'll try to actually finish this story and any un positive comments you want to make don't, inbox me. People might think if I have un positive comments they wont read. So please review positive comment, enjoy and I'll shut up now.

Ch.1

Hell

My head throbbed from the loud music pumping in my ears and having to drink to much liquor. I looked down at my wrists that were drenched in my blood hot tears were flowing freely down my cheek. I've done it again, one more boyfriend given up on me. I'm sick of trusting people, always telling you lies saying how they're different and that they love you, trust them. I chuckled as I thought about all the lies I've heard from all of them. This is why I don't have friends, I only need to get hurt once at a time, friends are just a waste of time, I have no need of these so called friends. All they're gonna do is stab you in the back. That's just what I need a stab in the back _and_ the heart.

I looked at my left wrist…well arm that's covered in scars of my previous cuts. It feels like over a hundred, but I don't pay attention to it, I don't count them I just do it, I'm not sure why but its been the first thing I do every time I'm upset.

Anger started to build up inside of me, I threw the pillows across the room and punched the wall, and more tears came flowing down. I actually thought this guy was different from everyone else, but I was wrong he ended up like all of my ex boyfriends. Who could ever love me? I'm just an emo psychotic bitch right? My wrist started throbbing and more blood started coming out. More tears started pouring.

And what's funny is that I don't even know why I'm upset about it. We didn't have anything in common except for the same taste in music and that's it. But why do I still want him? I never got those stupid butterflies with him. We never kissed, never had sex so why am I acting like this? Why did he make me happy but so sad at the same time? I always cried over him, he would always say the wrong things and treated me as if I was just his stupid buddy and I_ hated_ it. But a part of me misses him but another part makes me happy that it is over. Well now I don't have to pretend like every thing is OK and expect him to be there anymore. What hurts now is that I'm lost, I have no clue what to do anymore. He was always around me when class was over he would be right there at the door waiting and smiling. I miss that, I rolled over on my side with tears still flowing and fell asleep. Hoping maybe one day I can be happy again.

I woke up with a huge migraine I thought about just skipping school, but then it would show him that I was weak. I am not weak…well I am but I really don't need him to know that now do I?

I slowly got out of bed and went to get some aspirin, I wasn't good with medicine but I didn't care if it killed me if I took one too many. I just cared about relieving pain right now.

I noticed the fresh new scars on my both of my wrists; they looked deeper than last time since they look worse than the older ones. Whatever not like anyone cares. The tears started falling again, I bit my lower lip preventing them. No luck they poured down again,

Why does my life have to be hell?

I don't have parents to take care of me. A few years ago when I was fifteen I ran away from hell.

I'm actually happier here than I was where I use to live; I would've killed myself if I stayed. My parents were quiet contempt with me gone; heck they send me money for me to stay here! Which makes me one happy seventeen year old, well sort of.

Anyways my name is Kioshi Hana Chokichi, Kioshi means quiet, Hana meant beautiful or something.

I was usually picked on for the name Kioshi since I would never talk to anyone…ever. So yeah I was pretty pisst off about it and it didn't help the fact that I'm half Japanese (mum's side) and half Britain (clearly dad's side.) So I was picked on for that since it's rare to have that type of mix in the most elite school in Kana.

I was beaten as a child by bullies and by my parents. My parents never wanted a child but granny changed their opinion. She offered that I would be the slave, so I was treated like a slave.

I didn't have cute clothes like the girls in my class did; I wore the clothes my mother would find in the trash.

I didn't run away sooner because I thought it might've gotten better if I stayed for while, it didn't. So I finally decided to run away when my father tried to kill me for being a smartass towards him, so I ran to Konoha.

It's located in somewhere where a bunch of trees are. It was pretty difficult to find with all the trees. Guess they didn't name it valley hidden in the leaves for nothing. So here I am living on my own, with no friends, no boyfriends, no one at all. Alone.

I washed my face, there were tears stains on my face and I needed to cool down.

I got dressed in a Linkin Park t-shirt with black skinnies and black all stars hi-tops. I put my black dinosaur jacket on; it has pink spikes on the hood. I straightened my hair since it got all messy last night, my hair is naturally straight until I go to bed then I just look like Hermione Granger from "Harry Potter" in her first year.

I put brown eye shadow on with black on top to give it a gothic look, then I put red lipstick on, foundation and done.

I grabbed my bag and helmet and went downstairs when I opened the door I felt a gush of air hit my face. 'Just great it's windy, good thing I brought my gloves.' I hopped on my motorcycle and left to Konoha high.

I sat in my usual spot the moment I walked in the classroom, in the very back in the corner alone, just how I like it.

I started drawing a broken bleeding heart in a box with a bunch of chains around it. My favorite part of this spot was how the lights hits my desk cause its not to bright but it's bright enough for me to do my work, draw, write music etc.

I never got in trouble for being off task since nobody comes back here, which is weird since people are supposed to sit back here, its not like I'm complaining, I'm pretty contempt with having the whole space to myself.

Our seats are connected (the classroom is just like the one in Naruto.) But today I felt a presence next to me; I ignored the person hoping they would move away from me, but no luck. I turned my head to the left there was someone new.

He looked different from everyone here, I looked at his notebook which said 'Gaara'

"May I help you?" his voice was low and raspy and it sent chills down my spine. I looked up at him and shook my head I pressed my back against the wall and lifted my feet on the seat

"Could you move?" I said in a probably bitchy voice. He glared at me "no" I rolled my eyes and saw a blond girl stand in front of Gaara.

"Uh…hi your new aren't you?"

"Clearly I am since I haven't been here before" she ignored the rude remark, which I found funny.

"I'm Hana Choni and I was…uh wondering if you…um…would like to take a um tour with me?" Gaara groaned

"Is this really a date?" Hana's face turned bright red and she started to fiddle with her fingers. Gaara was just writing in his notebook the whole time, which most people found rude.

"If you…uh want to" Gaara closed his eyes and the book, I knew he was rolling his eyes, since I do the same thing when I don't want to be rude. Which doesn't happen that often.

"No" it came out as a growl and I actually shivered physically from his voice. Her eye went huge as if she might cry and ran away, I let out a small, low chuckle. These girls are all the same they always go for the new guy, but I never knew it was going to be three weeks!

The girls _and _guys have been asking him out. This is just preposterous! At least he's not like most guys and gloat about being so popular, which I find quiet funny since he doesn't even, like anyone, he doesn't even have any friends! I rubbed my temples as I saw _another _person go up to Gaara and ask him out. Before he could answer for himself I snapped

"NO HE DOESN'T WANT TO! DON'T YOU GET IT? HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYONE HERE! SO STOP ASKING! ALL OF YOU! I'M SO SICK OF IT IS SOOO FUCKING ANNOYING! NOW GO THE FUCK AWAY!" I huffed and just at the same time the bell ran and I stormed out of there.

I went to the coffee shop and got changed into my uniform, black t-shirt, khakis, and a green apron with a coffee on the front. I tied my hair up in a ponytail and placed these realistic tattoo sleeves on so nobody can see the scars. I took out all of the earrings in my ear and got out to take some orders.

This was my favorite coffee shop, the coffee beans are home made, and there was live music and I was able to play some of mine. It was quiet, which was surprising since it was full of teenagers; they usually came here to concentrate on their homework. Or they were like me and needed to get away, either way it was perfect.

That was until I saw _him_ at the front ready to order. I put on my fake best smile and walked out there as if nothing happened.

"Hello sir! What would you like today?" I hate this stupid fake smile it was hurting my face.

He ran his hand through his hair

"now you don't have to pretend that silly smile on your face. Now I'll be waiting at your place; I still have your key. Wear something slutty Kay? And hurry I don't like to be kept waiting"

"you broke up with me, you can just go home."

"Yeah but I miss you"

"you_ dumped me"_

"yes I know but that's because everyone said I should-" I smacked him, that dumbass bitch! That was the reason!

"You should just leave right now." I growled

"Fine but I'll be waiting at your house, slutty clothes remember" I scowled at him as he left. And what makes my day even better is when Gaara was right behind him; he casually ordered a French vanilla coffee. There was this weird silence and I felt like I should explain.

"He's not my boyfriend by the way"

"I didn't ask"

"Well I'm… I just…can I stay with you?" he raised an eyebrow at me. "I just…he's gonna be there and…can I stay at your house?" he sighed

"No, why me where are your friends?"

"I never had any…free coffee…for a whole month!" he growled and a shiver went up my spine again.

"Make it two and we leave now and don't tell anyone" I nodded my head handed him my coffee and left. I told my boss that I wasn't feeling well which was technical true, I grabbed my stuff and left with Gaara. I wasn't going to ride my motorcycle, _he_ knows what it is, I don't want to attract him.

"Wow nice house"

"Thanks" it was two stories, the living room was a beige color with crème colored couch and recliners, the carpet was white and they had a black flat screen T.V and a black coffee table.

The kitchen was just like any old kitchen white walls with white and black tiles for floors, I haven't seen the rest of the rooms except for his room

His walls are blood red, black comforter and white carpet; he has a T.V on his dresser, which is black. He has a couple of paintings of broken hearts, sort of like mine and a 'Sleeping with sirens' poster with a 'Linkin Park' poster on another wall.

"I like the room"

"Great 'cause you're staying here"

"Don't you have a sister?"

"Yeah but her boyfriend lives with her and I don't think you want to stay with Kankuro. I'll stay on the couch"

"No, no I will sleep on the couch, this is your home, I'll stay on the couch I insist." Gaara threw one of his shirts at me

"You can sleep in that until we get your clothes" I smiled

"Thanks" I went to his bathroom and got changed, I now smelt like Gaara which was intoxicating of pine trees and cologne, I decided to just wear the shirt since it goes above my knees. I went downstairs were the couch was all set up. I laid down and closed my eyes, going fast to sleep and feeling just a little bit happy.

A/N: Hey guys back! I know you love me. Anyways thanks for reading please read the more, I promise It'll get better. Beginnings are just not my forte, some people can relate, I know some of my friends do. Now please read I know the next chapter might be weird, maybe I'm weird so I'm not sure what's normal…anyways please review, add me as favorite author, follow, and favorite my story! And any requests I'll take! Now I'm gone I love you guys!

P.S: the jacket is from hot topic you want to see here's a link!

hottopic/Apparel/Hoodies/NoveltyHoodies/So+So+Happy+Siq+Girls+Zip+


	2. Chapter 2: Rape and Scars

Ch.2

Rape and scars

I woke up I almost forgetting I was in Gaara's house, I peeked my eyes open and Gaara was staring at me with a huge blush on his face. Some guy walked behind him and clasped Gaara's shoulder.

"Who's the chick? She's hot; did you fuck her last night? 'Cause it seems strange she's still here and…whoa sexy bra, big breasts…OW! The fuck dude!?" Gaara punched the guy who was talking about me. And how can he see my bra? I casually bent my head and looked down, my shirt had risen up and the blanket was at my thigh so they can see my panties as well. Good thing I decided to leave my bra on last night.

"Stop being such a pervert Kankuro, she's my guest I'm helping her out. She'll be staying here for awhile" Kankuro licked his lips

"Sweet I can put my moves on her, I'll be able to fuck her by the end of the FUCK! GAARA YOU LITTLE SHIT STOP HITTING ME!" I almost started laughing but remembered they thought I was asleep.

"Kankuro shut the fuck up, you'll wake her up, and don't talk about her like that or I'll kill you" Kankuro chuckled

"Why do you care? You don't ever care about anyone! Remember what happened last year with…" Gaara gave a death glare at Kankuro and sighed while rubbing his face

"Shut up!" He said with a growl and I fought the shivers that were going up my spine. Kankuro gave a nervous laugh

"Just messing with you little brother." They both walked in the kitchen, I sat right up and realization hit me. Gaara was staring at me while I had my shirt up, does he like me? No no he didn't want me here in first place.

I got up and headed towards the kitchen. I stretched while yawning, my shirt rose showing a little of my panties. Kankuro looked at me lustfully.

"Hey there cutie, good morning" he went to give me hug when Gaara held him back.

"Remember my warning Kankuro?" Kankuro gulped and laughed nervously

"He he, yeah sorry about that, now, cutie what are you doing here?"

"I'm staying here for awhile, trying to avoid someone"

"Gaara you want me to die don't you? A girl like this living here, while scared from someone and I can't even touch her? I think I'm going to risk dying if I can't have her, dammit Gaara! Stop hitting me!" a small smile was placed on my face.

"Then stop talking like that to Kioshi"

"Aww even her name is cute!" Gaara rolled his eyes

"Sorry about my older brother, you'll have to get use to him" I laughed

"It's OK, so what are you going to do? Since it's Saturday" he shrugged "Well I'm going to go shopping, all my stuff is at my apartment and I'm afraid of running into _him."_

"No we should head over to your place, you shouldn't spend money on stuff you already have." I waved my hands frantically in front of me

"No I don't want to 'cause you any trouble, besides he's very violent, I've already 'caused you so much trouble."

"You don't have a ride, it's not that I like you or want to help out, you just can't try and get your stuff by foot. Trust me I don't want to go but if Kankuro knew you were going by himself he might make a move on you, all I just want to do is practice playing my guitar." I rolled my eyes

"Shut up! I could teach you guitar you know, I have one at home I am a musical Internet sensation!"

"Hey yeah I thought you looked familiar, Gaara this girl is the greatest song writer and singer. You love her, you just never looked at her music videos." I blushed at his positive comment especially about how Gaara loves my music; Gaara just rolled his eyes.

"You're so sweet Kankuro" I kissed his cheek and he blushed really hard

"Gaara I hate you so much" Kankuro looked at me "you should wear my clothes, Gaara hates sharing his stuff" Gaara casted him a death glare. "Or on second thought you could wear his clothes" Gaara rolled his eyes again and rubbed his temples.

"You're a piece of work" he sighed "Come on Kioshi put your clothes on and we'll get your stuff." I nodded my head and grabbed my clothes to get dressed.

To my surprise _he_ wasn't there, but my stuff was trashed and thrown everywhere, good thing I had a secret place for my prized possessions.

Gaara was waiting in the car, I didn't want him to come and see where I live. I walked in my room and all of my clothes were ripped and thrown everywhere.

I moved my bed and lifted the floor, there laid all of my special possessions. My guitar that's black with red flames, my notebook that has old look and was leather, my paintings and drawing book, all of my favorite clothes, some money, my cutting knife, and my HP laptop that is black with a Okami skin cover. I ran out of there hoping _he_ wouldn't see me and hopped in Gaara's car.

"Thank you so much Gaara! How can I repay you?" Gaara put the car in reverse.

"Just don't I'm good, besides I already get free coffee" I laughed

"You're right! Ok so where to now?"

"Home, I need to practice my guitar skills" I gasped and turned my head towards him.

"That's it I can teach you how to play! What do you have?"

"A bass" I nodded my head

"Ok I don't play bass, but the uh…guy I am now avoiding has I learned how to play it so I could teach you."

"Fine whatever" he put the car in gear and left just as I saw _him _walk out of some other girl's apartment. Our eyes locked but he shook his head and went to his car, probably for work. I sighed and closed my eyes falling asleep to the movement of the car.

"No, No you're doing it all wrong!" Gaara growled

"I'm playing exactly as you showed me"

"But your fingers just aren't doing it! Ok watch me one more time" I strummed the bass guitar once more I was trying to teach him the basics first, and he was not getting it at all.

"Now you try" I gave him back his guitar and he started strumming again and got it wrong, again. I groaned "Lets just take a break" Gaara started growling at me. "Growl all you want but I need a break, or else I'll have a major headache." I went downstairs and grabbed an apple.

"So I hear your trying to teach my little brother to be good with his hands," I snorted

"Why are you so perverted?"

"Only towards you" I scrunched up my nose

"Yeah my ex boyfriend used that line, doesn't work on me."

"Damn it, well guess the only choice I have is to directly say it, wanna sleep with me?" I smirked and walked over to him, running my hands all over his body. And inching my face towards his until our lips almost meet, and grabbed his penis and he growled.

"You wish" I let go and went back upstairs, which he followed. I was about to go in Gaara's room when Kankuro grabbed my hand and pulled me into his room. He threw me on his bed and slammed the door

"Don't tease me woman!" he pounced on top of me and covered my mouth so Gaara couldn't hear my screams.

I was wearing a skirt so it made it easier for him to take off my underwear. I tried to wiggle my way out but he was stronger than me. He lowered his pants and placed himself in me I tried to scream but he covered my mouth, tears streamed down my face. He kept thrusting in me over and over, biting me, hurting me, after ten minutes it was over.

He rolled off me and started to sleep, I put my underwear back on and left. I peeped in Gaara's room, he was asleep with the guitar on him. I smiled at the sight; he looked so peaceful; I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. By the time I got out Gaara was practicing right away, sitting on the floor. I stood at the doorway and knocked on his door.

"Hey you" he looked up at me

"Why didn't you come back?" my smile quickly vanished. I didn't want to tell him about what happened with his brother.

"Sorry I got distracted"

"With what?" I looked away

"Sleeping" he groaned "what? You fell asleep to" he blushed

"Why were you watching me?"

"I was passing by when I was going to take a shower, anyways I'm going to bed." He nodded and I went downstairs which Kankuro was waiting. I got scared and ran back upstairs running into Gaara's room

"Can I sleep with you" his whole face went completely red

"W-what?" now my face went red

"Oh no not like that silly I'm just…scared."

"Of what?" I looked down at my feet

"Can I not talk about it?" he nodded his head "so can I sleep here?"

"Yeah, I'll sleep on the couch" I ran towards him and glomped him.

"Don't leave me" I realized I pushed him down so I was on top of him but I didn't care. "Please" tears started to slowly flow down my cheeks and on his face, and my jacket fell off as it was already falling and when I ran it just fell off, my shirt raised from glomping him, I was showing all of my scars.

Gaara look bewildered and traced my scars with his fingers oh so lightly, I shivered as he traced the scars, they were everywhere my arms, shoulder, neck, and tummy and there were fresh new ones from hen Kankuro raped me and I had cut myself again for being so weak.

"Why?" my tears came down faster

"You would never understand" he sat us upright and held my head close to his, our noses touching.

"Try me"

A/N: ok yes Kankuro would never so something like that but come on! Makes a good dramatic story! Also I don't pay attention to Kankuro that much, and I haven't been able to watch Naruto 'cause I'm a nerd and I study more than I go on the internet. Anyways please review, inbox, favorite, follow etc. please! Love you guys!


	3. Chapter 3: Confessions

Ch.3

A/N: Sorry I haven't posted a new chapter in forever, I started to not like it and gave up hope on it but I'm going to keep on going!

My whole face turned a bright red from how close our faces were, I pulled away and got off him, I sat on the foot of his bed. I didn't want to tell him I was afraid he might think of me as trash or agree with everyone's thoughts. Would he think I was weaker than he already thought of me?

"I was born as a mistake to my parents and to everyone else in the village" he looked up at me with a confused look on his face, I continued. "My parents didn't know I existed until the doctor told her while she was having an exam. They were going to give me up for adoption but my grandmother stepped in, she told them that they could use me as a slave, they agreed with my grandmother and they kept me. As I grew up my hair turned blue and not just a dark blue but what it is now, I didn't have any friends because of it. So everyone treated me like an outcast, I was alone, no family to comfort me, no friends, and no toys. I was completely alone" I looked over at Gaara who was digesting what I told him, his face showed sadness. "I stayed there until I turned fifteen, my father tried to kill me. I just learned how to play the guitar and I wanted to show him, thought I could become some hot shot celebrity. He wouldn't pay attention like always and I snapped, I called him a 'Lazy ass who cant do anything and fucks his own daughter just because he's "Superior." He got pretty mad about what I said and took out a knife from his pocket, I started to run back to my room but he grabbed my arm and ran the knife down my back." I lifted my shirt up, showing him my stitched up back. "I, luckily had my guitar and hit him pretty hard in the head, I knocked him out. I ran to my room packing up everything I could find and left." I could tell Gaara didn't really know what to do, his face showed how shocked he was.

"You said he use to fuck you, when did that start?"

"Around when I started getting my period, I was around nine years old, I didn't look like my mother but I was pretty. Daddy wasn't getting laid by my mother, 'cause she was fucking other guys for money. So dad chose to fuck me" Gaara bawled up his fists

"How an he do that to his own daughter? Kioshi I'm so sorry about what happened." I shrugged

"Doesn't matter to me, that's the past, the only good thing I learned back there was that you cant fall in love in hell. So since my life has been hell I haven't fell in love with anyone, except one person."

"Would it be that guy you're hiding from?" I nodded my head

"Yeah"

"Who is he?"

"His name is Akeno Toshi we met after the second year I ran away. We were friends but last year he asked me out I said yes and you can figure it out. I fell in love, he lied and said it back, and he left me without a warning." Gaara kept staring at me

"I'm-"

"Don't say it, it's not your fault, I just hate how stupid I was, to think someone could actually fall in love with me." I started yawning, "I'm tired, can I sleep?" Gaara nodded his head

"Hey Kioshi?"

"Hmm?" I crawled in his bed

"I'm sorry for being mean towards you earlier" I yawned again.

"Don't worry about it I'm" _yawn_ " use to it." I closed my eyes and quickly fell fast asleep.

-Gaara's P.O.V-

I stared at Kioshi as she fell asleep, I couldn't really help myself she just looked so cute when she was asleep. I hated myself for how I acted towards her, I didn't know how to act, she was making my heart race when I saw her. Not really anyone could ever make me feel that way. I couldn't believe she wanted to stay with me when she asked yesterday. I'm still in shock and now she's in my bed, I don't know what to do. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, she told me about her life and it wasn't probably sadder than my childhood. My mother died when I was born but she loved me, my father hated me and my siblings but now they care for me, I have great friends and I have people to rely on unlike her who had no one at all.

I jumped when she stirred in her sleep and started speaking

"Gaara stop staring at me, its extremely creepy" I smiled

"Sorry Kioshi"

"You should go to bed-" she started to trail off, falling back to sleep. I kissed her forehead, she smiled and I decided to try and go to sleep.

A/N: Sorry short chapter I know I'll try and post new chapters soon.


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